Parents have a set of 'plays' that they use in day-to-day life with their children. They are instinct, ingrained in us to come into use the moment our first child is born. As the years go by we hone our plays and update our play-books to serve us in the best possible way. Some plays are defensive, helping to protect our children. Some are offensive, mostly to our children (haha!). For example, here are a few plays I've thought of, and I've used every one....
The Mouth Assist: Did you ever watch a parent feed a baby? As they lift the spoon to the baby's mouth they open their own mouth. Then, they simultaneously close their mouth as the spoon enters the baby's mouth. This helps the baby with the start of the digestive process.
The Squint and Wag: This entails a narrow squinting of the eyes, and therefore more threatening look, while wagging the pointer finger of the dominant hand at the child. Usually coincides with a Verbal Scolding.
The Grab Back: Usually used on a young child when they break formation and run into a danger zone, a busy parking lot for instance. The parent uses a quick, short burst of speed followed by a desperate reach, again with the dominant hand, for any article of clothing on the child's back.
The Side Arm Thrust: Child is in car seat to the right of the parent when brakes must suddenly be applied. The parent automatically straightens and thrusts the right arm sideways to ensure the child does not fly forward due to inertia. This is a back up to the safety belt system.
The Full Name Threat: This lets the child know, in no uncertain terms, that they are in deep doo-doo.
The Midnight Mix-up: If you have more than one child, chances are that when one calls you in the middle of the night you will think it is one child when it is actually another. This can also occur when you live next to a farm. For instance, when my brother and I were little my mom thought one of us was calling her. "What do you want?" No response. Then, she thought she was being called again. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" As it turns out, a "moo" can sound very much like a "mom", causing the Midnight Mix-up to come into play.
The Drop and Run: As a parent, you learn the different inflections in a child's voice. When they are really, seriously experiencing something wrong, you can tell. Thus, the instinct to drop whatever you're doing, even if it's getting that perfect souffle out of the oven, and run like heck to assist them.
The Armpit Hike: This is a play I had to use this afternoon. Sarah came home from school with a bad stomach ache. She was laying on the sofa and I was in the kitchen when I heard choking sounds. My first thought was of Ben, who was eating strawberries. My second thought, a nano-second later, was of Sarah's stomach ache. I executed the Drop and Run and came around the corner to see her standing in the middle of the living room looking miiiiiiiiiiighty green. I yelled at her to run to the bathroom but she was unable to process thought. As she started to throw up I did the Armpit Hike and ran her down the hall to the bathroom where, unfortunately, we didn't make the goal line.
This leads to the last play, The Gotta Deal With It. Yes, as a parent we deal with it all. Even the plays we'd rather not implement. But, hopefully, after all our hard work coaching and drilling, we'll end up with a winning team.
So, how many of these plays have you used? :-)
My mom still does the side arm thrust and I am 30!! Hope Sarah feel better.
Posted by: Sarah Lambert | March 24, 2007 at 04:47 PM
All of them lol many times
Hope Sarah is feeling better soon.
Posted by: Lis | March 24, 2007 at 06:25 PM
i am so lolololol!!!! PLEASE tell me that you will do a hilarious mini book @ this...i'm sure your kids will love to pull it out on thanksgiving & laugh their heads off!!
i'm famous for the squint & wag...especially while i'm onthe phone...but they have to lip read my scolding! lololol!!!!
& i hope sarah is back to her old self again..& ben gets better soon! spring is here...i promise! you can open those windows & get those germs out!!
Posted by: gigi | March 27, 2007 at 10:28 PM
Patty, so glad you found my blog earlier today, because now I'm having a great time discovering yours! Your post about the parent's playbook is too funny. As the mom of 5, I've done them all, or some version of them all. Hope no one else in your family comes down with that stomach bug.
P.S.: Coincidentally, one of my best friends from childhood was another Patti Schaffer. Small world.
Posted by: Jan C. | March 28, 2007 at 01:56 PM